Coping vs Healing

What is the difference between coping and healing? How do we know which one we are doing, given how similar they can be? How can I ensure I am moving toward healing? These are the questions today's blog will explore.

Often when we experience a setback or an increase in symptoms it takes us into a state of trying to manage. We try to dial things back down, to get back to where we were before the upheaval began. If we can step back and look at it from the perspective of a third party observer, we can begin to see that our orientation toward what is occurring often comes from a place of fear or resistance to what is. We don't want to be here again, we want it to go away. We may feel frustrated, anxious, stressed, hopeless or helpless, annoyed, overwhelmed, or angry. As Alan Gordon eloquently describes in his book The Way Out, anything that puts us in a state of hypervigilance falls under the same umbrella as fear, and fear keeps us caught in the loop of generating more symptoms. So when we are coping, if we are orienting to it in the way described above (which in my experience the vast majority of brain retrainers fall into at times, especially when things are difficult) we are not oriented to our experience in a way that promotes healing.

So from this we can see that it isn't just what we do that matters, it is the state in which we do it, how we are showing up in those moments and how we orient to the tools or practices that we use. That is what helps us to move from coping mechanisms into a state of healing. So then the question becomes, how do I move myself into a healing state instead?

This first step is to become aware of how it is that you are orienting to your current experience and the emotional states that are operating behind it. We do this from a place of open honesty & compassion with ourselves, being a non-judgmental curious observer and really taking a look at the pattern that is playing out. What are the thoughts, feelings, behaviours, choices we are making? What are the underlying assumptions about our experience and expectations about our health and recovery journey? We can begin to put the pieces together which forms an old story about who we believe we are and what is or isn't possible for us. We can begin to see that inside this viewpoint, it is difficult to make real progress because we are inadvertently reinforcing the pathways we are trying to undo. As Einstein says, we can't solve the problem from the level of mind that created it. So once we are clear about the level of mind we are in and what it is costing us, we can begin to shift into a new story and a deeper truth about ourselves and what is possible for us beyond our old story. What helps us to do this is connecting to our inner resources, to have self compassion for the part of us that is stuck or struggling, but at the same time recognize it is just a part and not the whole of who we are. When we can tap into the other parts of us, our competency, our creativity, our wisdom, our loving hearts, we bring those resources online to support us in coming out of an orientation of fear and into an orientation of possibility. This helps us settle the hypervigilance, regulate the nervous system, and opens up ways of moving forward that are in alignment with healing.

If you would like support in exploring how to recognize the old patterns, assumptions and expectations that keep you oriented to coping and learn how to activate your inner resources and align yourself with healing, consider joining my upcoming Transcending Inner Barriers group. The start date has been bumped back a week to May 2nd, so there is still time to register. Click here for more information.

_________________________________________________________________________________

Candy Widdifield, M.Ed., Certified Master Coach

candywiddifield.com candy.thriving@gmail.com