Join me for the final Live Q&A on Saturday Dec 14 at 9am Pacific/12pm Eastern. If you have registered for a previous Live Q&A you already have the link and will get a reminder the day before. If not, you can register here.
The holidays can be a challenging time for many when it comes to navigating relational dynamics. Today's blog focuses on how to handle less than ideal relational interactions in a way that honours you.
The key to successfully navigating family dynamics or challenging social interactions is to stay connected and centered to yourself. Remember that your relationship to yourself is the most important human relationship you have. It is from that place of deeply showing up for ourselves that we have the capacity to be truly present and available for others. It is also from this place that we are less reliant on others behaving a certain way and less affected by their actions and choices.
Staying connected to yourself may sound easy in theory but it is not always that easy to practice, especially when family members are pushing your buttons. Here are some ways in which you can support yourself:
Stay In Your Curious Observer. Use this holiday season as an experiment to get more familiar with yourself, your responses or reactions, and what it is that you need to in order to stay centered and present within you. Notice how you feel during social interactions, who you connect with, who you don't, and how that shows up within you (i.e. what tells you that you are feeling this way?). So often we go on autopilot around family, falling back into old habits or patterns even if they aren't our usual way of being in the world anymore. Cultivating curiosity helps us clarify where we are at, and gives us the space to choose what we do next.
Practice Self- Compassion. Since we covered this in depth in the last blog I won't go into details here except to say, start your day with connecting to loving kindness for yourself, and in moments of frustration or irritation place your hand on your heart and breathe or consider doing the self compassion break.
Acknowledge How You Are Feeling To Yourself In The Moment. If someone says something hurtful, dismisses you, gives unsoliticed advise, makes assumptions about you and passes them off as facts to other family members (a common one in my family), or is inconsiderate or lacking in understanding, take a moment to acknowledge what it is that you are feeling in that moment. For example, "I feel misunderstood", "I don't feel seen or valued", " I feel attacked", "I feel drained", "I feel like my needs are unimportant." By labeling what we are feeling we are able to take a step back rather than being over identified with the feelings. By taking this time to acknowledge what we are feeling we are also less likely to react in the moment and are putting ourselves in a better place to respond. We are also then not adding abandoning ourselves on top of whatever else has been said to us.
Then Ask Yourself, "What Do I Need?" It might be some positive self talk and reassurance. It might be evoking feelings of compassion for yourself with what is arising, it might be taking a break for a little bit and going for a walk or retreating to your room and reading a book. It might be redirecting the conversation into something positive, engaging in fun and play, or choosing to engage in an uplifting conversation with the family member you value the most. If you have duties or obligations to fulfill, it might be choosing to be really present while doing the task or turning on some uplifting music to listen to while you do it. Or it might be recruiting others to help. By tuning into what would be supportive for you in the moment you are sending a deep message to yourself that you matter and that you are capable of caring for yourself and meeting your own needs regardless of how others are behaving.
Really Take In & Savour The Good. Be mindful of not getting caught up in what's not working and forgetting to notice what is going well. Remember what you focus on is what you grow so use this as an opportunity to grow the good. It's easy to let a snide remark or a dismissive comment preoccupy us, but the truth is there's a lot more going on than just that. Outside of positive interactions, moments of humor, good food, there is always lots of beauty to take in with festive lights & decorations, with music, with the snow & cool crisp air (if you live in a place where that happens). Train yourself to look for those moments and when you find them, stop, take a few breaths and breathe them into all the cells of your being.
If all else fails, remember this time of year is temporary and choose make the most of it by showing up differently for you. It will be over before you know it!
This will be the last post for this year. Wishing you all the best of the holiday season and may the new year bring you even closer to optimal resilience & wellbeing!
Caelum's Insights (A Functional Neurology Perspective): Cranial Nerves
The cranial nerves are an essential component of our everyday life. They help us interact with the world through sight, smell, taste, and balance. Enjoying a morning cup of coffee you can smell it with your olfactory nerve (CN2), you’re able to feel the steam against your face via your Trigeminal nerve (CN5), and you’re able to smile at your family and friends with the facial nerve (CN7). These nerves also function in key reflexes such as blinking (facial nerve) and swallowing (glossopharyngeal and vagus nerve). Understanding the role these cranial nerves play in our everyday life allows us to highlight the connection between nerve health and everyday life.
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Candy Widdifield, M.Ed. candywiddifield.com candy.thriving@gmail.com
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